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THAT MADCAP SCAMP…THE LONE RANGER

     I first met Clayton Moore, The Lone Ranger, for the Longview Mall grand opening in Longview, Texas.  He led a parade into the mall astride a white horse.  It came off well. He was a nice guy and did everything we asked.  It did get back to me that he was a bit flirtatious with some of the women on our staff, but so what?  He was getting on up in his years and enjoyed the adoration of admiring female fans.

     The Lone Ranger faithful were in abundance.  We all grew up watching his exploits on Saturday mornings and by the time he was working with us he had been at it a while, reaching his 65 birthday.  I didn’t envision doing too much more with him, but then the new Lone Ranger movie came out.  In a major blunder, the movie studio said Clayton Moore would have no role in the new movie.  They also said he could not legally be billed as “The Lone Ranger” and he was not even allowed to wear a mask in public!

     We jumped on this with both feet!   How in the hell do you take the mask away from the Lone Ranger?  Clayton Moore was the Lone Ranger!  He BELIEVED he was the Lone Ranger.  He would not even go out without a mask in public, because he did not want to reveal the identity of the mysterious crusader.  (A little strange, but you have to feel good about someone with so much passion!)  He was relegated to wearing sunglasses, instead of a mask.    

     We got in touch with him and set up a series of appearances at Simon malls, where we hosted “Save the Mask” rallies on behalf of The Lone Ranger!  What could be more American?  Malls and communities embraced the movement.  He was given the key to the cities while kids, adults, entire schools and mothers with their babies showed up at the malls in masks to support The Lone Ranger.     With the “William Tell Overture” blaring in the background, he would talk about the code of conduct for the Ranger; how kids needed to be good citizens; the flag and America.  He signed autographs, appeared for photographs and the publicity was outstanding.   

     One scheduled mall rally was in Indianapolis.   He was going to be landing soon and I asked John Neutzling to meet him at the airport and I would see them at the shopping center.  John left, called me later and said the Lone Ranger wanted to check in with the local law enforcement.    

     “What?”    

     Clayton told John he always liked to check in with the local law enforcement, let them know he was in town and available in the event of any emergency.  Clayton Moore BELIEVED he was the LONE RANGER!

     “OK…meet me at Sheriff Jim Wells office in half an hour.”

     We met at the Sheriff’s office.  The Lone Ranger is in his full attire of western clothes, sunglasses, gun belt, boots, spurs… the works.  The sheriff’s secretary was sitting at her desk, with a huge bee hive hairdo, popping her gum and looking at the The Lone Ranger, over the top of her rhinestone encrusted reading glasses, with an affixed gold chain draped over her head.  She slowly takes in this entire scene, cocks her head to the side and asks, “Can I hep’ you boys?”   

     Before John or I can say a word, The Lone Ranger says, “Hello Ma’am, I always like to check in with the local law enforcement and let them know I am in town and available for duty.”     

     She slowly says, “…Uh huh… OK then.”  She gets on the intercom and says, “Sheriff, there are three men here to see you and it appears to be  important.”   

     Sheriff Wells said, “Send them in.”  She walks in with us and we stand before the sheriff.  Jim was a little elf of a guy, he stayed seated and just calmly stares at The Lone Ranger.

     The Lone Ranger said, “Sheriff, I always like to check in with the local law enforcement and let them know I am in town, available and ready to be of assistance.”    

     Jim said, “Who are you stranger?”    

     The Lone Ranger handed him one of his silver bullets and said, “This will explain who I am.”   

     Jim slowly looked at the bullet, back at The Lone Ranger and said, “A masked man, a silver bullet…you must have a faithful Indian companion, named Tonto holding the horses downstairs…why, you’re The Lone Ranger!”

     Later it did get back to me again, Clayton Moore would occasionally stretch the bounds of propriety with women in our organization.  At one event, a naive young maiden on our staff was assigned to fetch The Lone Ranger from his room.  After what I had heard, I decided to ask one of our group, with more “gravitas” to go instead.   

     This "more mature" woman of my staff agreed and knocked on Clayton’s hotel door.  The door swung open to reveal the crown prince of law and order in the old west, in a state of “Au Natural”… nothing on, but HIS MASK!(This was undoubtably, an unfortunate accident.)  She said she went blank, but there are some things one cannot forget.  


     I never quizzed her too closely and am too much of a gentlemen to mention her name (it’s Teri Thompson Crane).  I did NOT ask if she caught a  glimpse of his 65 year old silver bullet or if he had a “school mar’m” outfit for her,  so they could play the “runaway stage coach rescue” game.  She would have icily denied any such shenanigans and she did make it clear, unlike Tonto, she was NOT available to be the “faithful companion” for The Lone Ranger at any more events.

Comments

  1. ClaudiaApril 20, 2017 at 12:05 PM

    omg........I did literally laugh out loud at this.....I love your posts! they bring back GREAT memories for me!! love you!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. the Tao of TeriApril 20, 2017 at 3:00 PM

    Let me just say this, Buck, "the gun was not loaded."

    ReplyDelete

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