LESSONS FROM MASTER NEGOTIATORS

     I have spent my entire life negotiating.  If I had to come up with the common denominator in all I have done in my years, it has been attempting to convince others not to abandon me, kill me, fire me, to love me, to bend to my will and generally agree to my way of thinking.  I enjoy the lessons I have learned, watching others negotiate to get their needs met.

     One of the best examples in negotiation was taught to me by the owner of a small drug store.  We added his store to a mid-sized mall and prepared for his opening.  His lease was favorable to the landlord and he was not particularly sophisticated due to the honest, direct manner in which he did business.

     Inside the mall stood a large, leafy tree in front of his store and he felt it hid his sign.  He asked to have it removed.  No one was responding to him and he finally found me.  I agreed to visit with him, we walked the mall and he quietly said he wanted the tree replaced with shorter plants.  I explained his lease let us do what we wanted within the mall and the landscaping plan called for a tree in that location.  He said he was sorry to hear that, thanked me for my time and we parted company.

     The next morning, the tree was found sawed off at the base and lying on it’s side.  No one saw or heard anything…in the night, in a locked mall,

someone sawed it to the ground and no one saw a thing.  The tree was replaced and a couple of days later, it was sawed to the ground.  No one saw a thing.

     I called the drug store owner and asked if I could see him in his office.  After I explained what happened to the trees in front of his store, he stared at me with absolutely no expression on his face for a long moment.  Finally, he cleared his throat and slowly said, “That IS a shame.  I am sure it is expensive.  It would be sad if that were to continue.”    

     We stared at each other for a few more moments, I thanked him, got up and left.  I notified our landscaping department to plant small, three foot high plants, forget what the plan called for and scrap the tree.  We never found the culprit or figured out how he did it.  I was impressed.

    As far as getting tangible results, one of the best negotiators I ever met is my two year old granddaughter Hadley.  She does not offer a lot of flexibility or give-and-take.  When I am left in charge of her care, she will look at me with beautiful blue eyes, flutter her lashes  and gently say, “coo - coo,” which is Hadley-eze for “cookie”. 

     Now, whether or not we have cookies is academic.  Just to be sure I understand, she takes my finger, leads me to the pantry and looks at me expectantly.  

     I have about 15 seconds to produce that cookie, or she escalates the negotiations.  She removes the subtle overtures, drops her eyebrows to a scowl and offers up a much firmer, “COO - COO.”   Now by God, things are getting serious.  She had offered from the beginning to make this painless, her entreaties are not being met in a timely manner and she believes it is because I do not think she is serious.    

     It does not matter that I am pulling everything off the pantry shelf to find anything that might pass as a cookie.  I have clearly failed to hold up my end of the bargain we forged when she was born, which is Poppa HAS to have cookies available 24/7.  Along with cake, peanut butter, popcorn and juice boxes.    

     We have now moved up to DEFCOM 3.  She spreads her feet the width of her shoulders, puts her hands on her hips, arches her back, holds her head back and is ready to unleash the furies.  I am attempting to get the lid off a tin of frosting, which I plan to smear over a saltine cracker, in an effort to fool her.  My back-up plan is to tuck her under my arm, race to the neighbor’s house with a $20 dollar bill and buy a cookie.

     I am moving too slow to suit her and she rips loose a loud deep-throated growl, which is reminiscent of Regan from “The Exorcist”…

”coo-coo!”

Windows shake, dogs howl and there is movement on the Richter Scale.   

     Glory to God, I find a cupcake!  I apply the entire contents of the tin of frosting on the top and shove it into her little mouth.  This works!  The crisis is abated.  I have learned my lesson.

     Now there are always cookies to be found in our home…we are hip-deep in cookies.  Nancy tells me we do not need any more cookies.  I freeze them, hide them and stuff them into corners, but I am prepared for our next bout.  To be a good negotiator, take the stickler points off the table…be prepared.