HOW A KNUCKLEHEAD FROM SHERMAN, TEXAS PAVED THE WAY FOR WOMEN TO PEE FOR FREE

      One of my early shopping center career initiatives was championing the rights of women to be the same as men...to pee for free.    They shouldn’t have to deal with pay toilets simply because nature requires them to sit when emptying their bladders.

     I took on the “COMPENSATION FOR URINATION” cartel very early.   Women, who made up the bulk of our customers, were treated unfairly when they had to plan their shopping around available restrooms.  We were begging them to shop with us, while forcing them to wonder if they had correct change in the event of a needed rest room break. 

     After graduating from college in Texas, I wanted to get in the shopping mall business and understood this would be at the entry level.  I cheerfully accepted a salary reduction from my part-time job at Channel 12,  to full-time “slave wages” as the Promotion Director of Mounds Mall in Anderson, Indiana, owned by Melvin Simon and Associates of Indianapolis.

 I had never been north of Oklahoma, so this was the same as moving to Siberia.  I had no money and rented a simple, furnished trailer in December 1972 and launched into promoting the mall as the best place to shop in Anderson.

     Soon after moving in, I looked out the window to find 3 feet of snow had fallen during the night.  If this had been Texas, the governor would have declared an emergency and closed the state.  I went back to bed.

     Around 10 AM I received a call, asking why I wasn’t at the mall.  “You people surely don’t work in weather like this!”    

     “Get down there, you redneck cracker!  This is nothing!”  I dressed and drove carefully, at 3 miles per hour to the center. 

      I had been at the mall for less than a week when I was confronted with my first challenge, which would have vexed the mind of Solomon.  A woman walked into my little, dimly lit office holding the hand of a young girl.  She explained her daughter had needed to use the facilities and it cost a quarter.  She did not have a quarter.  Her son had gone into the men’s room, had stood at a urinal and completed the task for free.  She had been forced to direct her little girl to crawl (on a restroom floor) under the door of the stall to answer a call of nature.  This did not seem right to her.   I stared at her for a long moment and it felt like a light from heaven had shone down and illuminated my mind...I experienced an epiphany... 

         “SHE IS RIGHT!  THIS IS NOT FAIR!  WE ARE WRONG!”

     I hadn’t even considered it.  I went into the ladies room and saw it was as she said, this WAS an injustice!  There was no mall manager, only a maintenance supervisor and me.  The company had authorized pay toilets.  They were on all the stalls and there was no on-site recourse.  The vendor, who installed the locks and collected the change, had given me a small key to unlock the stall door for my use.  I gave the woman my key to keep, apologized and said I would get this fixed.

     I called my boss, pointed out we were spending a lot of money to entice shoppers to the mall, promising them the moon, only to hit them up for a lousy quarter to sit in our restrooms.  Besides, how much money could it be bringing in to make it worth this inconvenience and injustice to women?  It is difficult enough in today’s competitive world, now we are becoming our own worst enemy
by sabotaging our best efforts!  It was like the Pogo cartoon…”We have met the enemy and he is us!”

  My supervisor's response?…”Just do your job”,  … “quit worrying about where people use the rest room and get back to work”.     

      “OK.”

     At this point, I became a one man protest on behalf of woman.   We wanted her to shop with us, but we were forcing her to pay cash to use our restroom.  I obtained a new key from the “COMPENSATION FOR URINATION” vendor.  

Without being observed, I unlocked the pay toilet doors and drove a nail into the lock, making it inoperative.   I then poured on a thick coating of the mall's “industrial” glue, which would have required a jack-hammer to get through, to remove the nail.    With the latch broken,  maintenance had to install a lock on the inside of the door, to assure customer privacy.   The ladies could now pee for free, in a safely secured setting.     I did the lock jimmying  task myself, so the maintenance crew (who would likely have folded under intense questioning) could honestly claim innocence.    

     The pay toilet guy was baffled.  He repaired the locks for a while, but it was difficult and time consuming.  When he did get them working again, I repeated the process.    

     The mall maintenance supervisor’s boss in Indianapolis finally had enough.  For some reason, someone keeps gumming up the pay toilet locks at little Mounds Mall and it is not worth the effort to continue to try to fix them.  He had them all removed.   

     VICTORY!    I had a local talent add a new musical line to our jingle for radio commercials, “... YOU DON’T NEED A QUARTER, FOR YOUR DAUGHTER TO MAKE WATER…at The Mounds Mall, the center of Anderson, for the good times in your life!" 

The removal of the pay toilets at Mounds Mall led to a review of the "tinkle for money" policy at all Simon malls and all pay to unlock doors were eliminated.     In time, the shopping center industry followed suit, ending a long term injustice and possible urinary tract infections by going too long without relief!  

      It was a DAY OF JUBILEE…as all God's children, regardless of gender were able to shop without carrying around a pocket full of change, just as the good Lord intended!

     I modestly take credit for initiating this ground swell of justice across America, with the simple, humble defiance initiated on behalf of the women of Anderson, Indiana. 

     It has been 45 years since I pulled this caper.   The statute of limitations has likely run out to prevent me from being prosecuted by the shopping center industry or the State of Indiana Pee-Pee Police.   

     I have a wife, daughter, daughter-in-law and four granddaughters.  I have grandly explained, because of me, they can walk into any  mall restroom across the country, without a quarter and not have to crawl under the stall door to answer the call of nature.    

     I am not expecting a plaque or anything to be erected in my honor in the Mounds Mall ladies room, but…NO, WAIT… a plaque, describing my commitment to the women of Anderson, Indiana's restroom comfort, on display in the ladies room of Mounds Mall would be nice!